I never really got to talk to you about love and relationships. The only thing remotely concerning love or more appropriately a crush, was when you caught me writing a love letter to my classmate in sixth standard! I also knew you had an inkling about my going around with a certain Miss A during my last year in school. But we didn't really discuss about it. I guess we never really connected in those terms at least for the most part of our relationship, during my school and early part of college life. When we did talk about anything and everything, well almost, I was single (as I was for most of my life).
My perception of what love is and how it makes one feel had a drastic change after you passed away (it's still so hard to write about you as someone who's not there). I always thought love lasted long enough, like in books or films, lovers continuing to love their lost ones so much so that there is no place for anything or anyone new. But that wasn't to be. Things changed rather drastically and how. I even doubt if at all there is something or anything like love. But I know there is because I have seen it in your eyes and read it in your words.
I have loved mom, despite my doubts and cynicism, I have loved. Tragedy is it has never worked out the way I thought it would or even lasted as long as I had hoped it would. When I look back and try to make sense out of it, thinking maybe it didn't work out because I wasn't completely into it being a skeptic that I can be most of the times, but that's not the reason. I have completely immersed myself into it whenever I was in love. Maybe my way of loving is the reason. But I only know one way of loving and I am pretty much sure that is what loving is all about - truly caring for the person you love by trying to bring more smiles on their faces than lines of worries and sadness. There is no high like the high of seeing the one you love happy. Maybe I need to be more selfish and less sacrificing. Problem is I have never viewed whatever I did to be a sacrifice at all, if it was it sure was worth it.
I wish you could tell me how you loved all those years, how you survived the lows and stayed afloat and how you coped with the imperfections and created perfect memories. I wish you were here to listen to me and share the wisdom with me. I wish you were here to teach me how to love, like the way you loved. I wish you were here.
Love
My perception of what love is and how it makes one feel had a drastic change after you passed away (it's still so hard to write about you as someone who's not there). I always thought love lasted long enough, like in books or films, lovers continuing to love their lost ones so much so that there is no place for anything or anyone new. But that wasn't to be. Things changed rather drastically and how. I even doubt if at all there is something or anything like love. But I know there is because I have seen it in your eyes and read it in your words.
I have loved mom, despite my doubts and cynicism, I have loved. Tragedy is it has never worked out the way I thought it would or even lasted as long as I had hoped it would. When I look back and try to make sense out of it, thinking maybe it didn't work out because I wasn't completely into it being a skeptic that I can be most of the times, but that's not the reason. I have completely immersed myself into it whenever I was in love. Maybe my way of loving is the reason. But I only know one way of loving and I am pretty much sure that is what loving is all about - truly caring for the person you love by trying to bring more smiles on their faces than lines of worries and sadness. There is no high like the high of seeing the one you love happy. Maybe I need to be more selfish and less sacrificing. Problem is I have never viewed whatever I did to be a sacrifice at all, if it was it sure was worth it.
I wish you could tell me how you loved all those years, how you survived the lows and stayed afloat and how you coped with the imperfections and created perfect memories. I wish you were here to listen to me and share the wisdom with me. I wish you were here to teach me how to love, like the way you loved. I wish you were here.
Love
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