After so many months, almost two years, I am writing to you again. My friend told me today that she had found this blog and read through the entries and cried. It has been a couple of months since she lost her dad and I can somehow sense what she might have felt going through what I have written to you here.
I went through some of the things I have written to you and I just realized that maybe you are feeling sad too reading them. I don't try to be sad or depressing but your memory has over time been so inseparably linked to thought of loss that it just makes me feel sad and I cannot think of anything light-hearted to share with you.
But today as she told me about it, I felt that maybe this is not the way how I want to associate your memory. I miss you and it will never be easy to not think of you and feel the pinch of your absence. But there is so much more to you and of you that I know exist in me somewhere, waiting for me to beckon them.
Some random things I can recollect now. Most people knew you as someone who was always so prim and proper; never speaking out of turns and always maintaining a decorum. There were those rare sights when it was just us; mostly you, me and sister since brother stayed in the hostel in Imphal. Once we were all relaxing in my bed after our dinner. I was lying down ready to go to sleep. You were sitting with your feet up, combing your hair and oiling sister's scalp as well. Then we heard a sound. We were surprised. After few seconds you said: "It's natural. It's gas. It has to come out", and then burst out laughing. Sister and I joined in, laughing that is! Your laughter was mostly quieter and silent. This was different and that made us laugh more.
There this another time when you were all in Delhi and I was in Shillong taking care of the house and Max. If I remember correctly it was my birthday and you were all gathered around making a call to wish me. I picked up and you wished me. Followed by sister and brother. Then finally dad came over the phone and wished me, 'Happy New Year!' I could hear roars of laughter through the receiver. Sister then told me that before calling up, you were telling others that you would call me and wish me 'Happy New Year' and dad had burst out laughing at your silly mistake. So, now that he made the mistake on the real phone call, it was your time to laugh.
You just saw me laugh out loud, sitting alone with Nungshibi, recollecting these moments. Hope you laughed with me too.
Till next time,
Love
