June 21, 2011

YOUR BIRTHDAY AND MOTHER'S DAY

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Dear Mom,

Life has been spinning its wheel and I have been circling along with it. Many a times I have thought of you and even wanted to write to you. But like most things, I just end up thinking about it and not actually doing it. It's not to say I didn't think of you. You already know that.

A lot many things have happened and a lot is still the same. It's already the middle of the year. Pretty soon we will be bidding farewell to yet another year. Time just flies by and things remain almost always the same somehow.

I thought of writing to you on my birthday or at least on your birthday or even on Mother's Day. But I didn't. I chose to keep my emotions in me rather than type it here. My birthday went well. This year I cut three cakes. Making up for all the years I didn't have cakes on my birthday perhaps. My good friends Sushi and Sunny dropped by half past midnight. It was a complete surprise. We had great fun. Stayed up till early morning. They along with Bishnu made aloo tikki and tomato chutney. At first I thought it would just be me when the clock strikes twelve since I thought Bishnu would come by around two in the morning. So, I decorated the walls with ribbons and paper flowers and baked a suji cake for myself. I thought why be sad or anything when I can celebrate the birthday like we would have when we were all together. Brother and sister would be decorating the drawing room while I was sent away on some errand and I would act surprised to see the party waiting for me. Of course the gifts would always be the real surprise.

Then your birthday went by. I have a feeling I saw you in my dreams that day. But I don't remember the dream now. I did puja on that day. Felt the need to. So much needed to be said and so much still is left. Some I am writing down here now. While most just stay unwritten and always felt.

On Mother's Day I tried hard not to get emotional since brother was at home too. He doesn't like to get all emotional, especially in front of us. So, I avoided watching all the movie line-ups and concentrated on reality shows or game shows and stuff like that. It's hard to endure a day filled with reminders of 'mother' when I am wishing in my heart we all could have our lives the way it was with you in it.

Love

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Note On The Blog

Life is not easy. It is far more difficult to live when you lose someone as close to you as your mom. There are times, more often than not, when you miss her so much so that it becomes hard to believe in everything else still living around you. Times when you need to say and share things, as simple as how your day went by and what all you did. Times when you need a hug or a kiss to console and comfort you that it's okay. Times when your happiness and joy would make so much more sense if she were there. Times when just her presence, knowing she is there, is reassuring enough to battle any nightmares. There are so many things bundled up in our hearts waiting to be told. So, I will write them down today and every other day when I need to talk to you, dear mom.
 
 

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