There is a sense of nothingness in me, mom. I don't know if it has anything to do with the end of another year in my life or if it's just me. But the nothingness is not a void. I am not feeling anything at the moment but there are so many things running around in my head. There's hope somewhere in that whirlwind of thoughts. And it makes all the difference.
I have hope mom, to be free with myself, to accept the changes in me and embrace the person that I have become through all the experiences I have lived. Just like the way you pointed out about my laughter a long time ago. I cannot laugh freely. I hold back. Not intentionally. Because I have tried to do so many times but am just not able to do so. But I laugh differently now. It hasn't stopped da and che from teasing me. It's still a funny laugh!! haha!!
Similarly, I find myself holding back in everything I do and that's one thing I want to change. I want to be me and be free with it. Never hold back. Live freely and laugh freely. Brother has the best laugh, really infectious! I always envied that about him. He hold back so many things but his laughter is free. So, I hope with the beginning of the another year, I get to live freely and laugh freely as well.
We never really were keen on celebration or anything but we had so much enthusiasm back then when we were all together in our home during the holidays. Buying cards and gifts before the end of school or college sessions and giving them or sending them away to friends and relatives. Cleaning the house and cooking something special or we would just end up making the normal every day food taste special with our excitement.
The best part was that we were always together. More than anything else that is what I really miss about celebrations these days. Perhaps that's why I hardly celebrate anything at all. No Holi or Diwali. No Christmas or New Year. But when the three of us are together we make sure to be celebrating our togetherness. And I know, you are the happiest when we are happy together. Taking a moment now to think of you, hoping da and che are thinking the same and we get to share this moment together.
Love you mom!
I have hope mom, to be free with myself, to accept the changes in me and embrace the person that I have become through all the experiences I have lived. Just like the way you pointed out about my laughter a long time ago. I cannot laugh freely. I hold back. Not intentionally. Because I have tried to do so many times but am just not able to do so. But I laugh differently now. It hasn't stopped da and che from teasing me. It's still a funny laugh!! haha!!
Similarly, I find myself holding back in everything I do and that's one thing I want to change. I want to be me and be free with it. Never hold back. Live freely and laugh freely. Brother has the best laugh, really infectious! I always envied that about him. He hold back so many things but his laughter is free. So, I hope with the beginning of the another year, I get to live freely and laugh freely as well.
We never really were keen on celebration or anything but we had so much enthusiasm back then when we were all together in our home during the holidays. Buying cards and gifts before the end of school or college sessions and giving them or sending them away to friends and relatives. Cleaning the house and cooking something special or we would just end up making the normal every day food taste special with our excitement.
The best part was that we were always together. More than anything else that is what I really miss about celebrations these days. Perhaps that's why I hardly celebrate anything at all. No Holi or Diwali. No Christmas or New Year. But when the three of us are together we make sure to be celebrating our togetherness. And I know, you are the happiest when we are happy together. Taking a moment now to think of you, hoping da and che are thinking the same and we get to share this moment together.
Love you mom!
